Blog
It's Been A Journey
Looking back on your own life is tricky, thoughts of "if I had" "maybe I should have" and the like can take center stage. For me, that might be more of the case than the average person. It's even difficult for me to write this because I battle the insecurities of my past- in the here and now. Everyday I am a little more confident in myself, a little prouder, a little more bold, and at times even a little cocky. I have joked that my shell has finally been cracked.
Cracked yes, broken-- not so much. My past still haunts me. For years I have been telling myself I wanted to be on Big Brother. Prior to season 9, I had even downloaded and filled out the application, but I was never able to take that next step and mail it. You see for me, I was not in a place were I was happy with myself. I made excuses for why I couldn't turn it in, some true, but mostly to cover up what was going on inside me.
Since that time I have been able to talk about the "real" issues, but only with the closest of friends. Putting this here now, for everyone to see, is difficult but something I feel needs to be done. I have to be able to be ok with sharing what I would prefer the world not to see if I ever expect to make it in (and out of) the BB House.
So, here it goes..... I don't ever recall a time where I was happy with myself. Being proud of who I am is something I find difficult. When I look in the mirror I always see that fat kid that was made fun of on the playground. The dork the girls would not talk to unless they had questions about their homework. The kid not cool enough to be picked prior to last in any game. This isn't to say that my perception was real, but it was how I saw things.
A couple of years ago I decided once and for all I was going to change myself. I was going to put myself first and make a difference. I was going to find happiness. Along the way, I realized that I was wrong. Happiness isn't a destination but rather a journey. Being happy is about making decisions that better your own life and the people you care about.
When I decided to start this process I weighed about 250 lbs and I was truly unhappy. I did everything I could to hide that unhappiness. I knew as much as I wanted to be on the show, there was no way I was going to get on the show looking and feeling the way I did about myself. I would not have had the confidence to compete or let America see me, heck I could barely look at myself.
So I started small. Changing one thing about me at a time. Working every single day to improve myself and love myself. Some days I fail, we all do, but more days than not I succeed. One of my biggest challenges has been getting out of the house. Living and seeing the world. It's been well worth it!
No matter what happens with this venture to get on Big Brother, I am happy. I am happy that I gave this my all. That I took an approach that no one else has even thought of. I am amazed at the support and comments I have received. I thank ever single person for all of their effort. I ask that you continue to push every single day, as I do, to make this dream come true.
~Billy
So Why Big Brother?
Recently I have had a few people ask me how I even got into liking Big Brother. It started that first season, probably like many of the fans. Thinking back now, I don't really remember too much about that first season. I don't recall who was on it, or what happened, or anything really.... well I remember it being PB&J instead of slop! What I do recall is where I was and what I was doing.
My father had become recently divorced and he asked if I was interested in moving in with him to help him with the mortgage. We weren't very close at that time and I said yes because I figured it would give us a chance to get to know each other better. We found that we both really enjoyed Survivor and Big Brother. I recall sitting there with him watching the show and laughing and just having a good time together. Sometimes we wouldn't get a chance to watch the show together but we would always talk about it afterwards. We would critique the events and offer our own spin. Sometimes the conversations would carry on for weeks.
So when I think of Big Brother it reminds me of my father and getting a chance to bond with him. I think about all the fun we had and depth of conversations we had... all about a TV show. This might seem stupid to some people, but for me, well for me it means something. While I have always been really close to my mom, my dad and I will always have Big Brother. When I am on the show and when I win HOH, it's him that I want a letter from.
~Billy
Expect The Unexpected
For years the producers of Big Brother and Julie Chen have been telling us to "Expect the Unexpected" and it is time for them to follow their own advice. To my knowledge no one has ever attempted what I am about to do.... Welcome to the first campaign to be AMERICA'S PLAYER.
Season 8 of Big Brother brought us Eric as America's Player. The premise of playing the game and completing tasks was interesting, to say the least. Last season, Jeff might as well have been considered America's Player. In both cases, and every other America's Choice option, America has never been able to set the terms. It's time for all of that to change. It's time for America to pick its player for the next season of Big Brother.
Some of my close friends have asked me over and over why I was doing this. Well, the answer is pretty simple... I don't have time to wait for the producers to select me. Over the years I have heard houseguests talk about how they applied for years before actually getting on the show and for me that just won't work. I have this year to get on the show.
My goal is straight forward- I want America to set the agenda for this next season and I want to be America's Player. I am asking people to sign the pledge to watch the show with me as America's Player. Hopefully, with enough signatures, Allison Grodner and the rest of the producers of Big Brother will listen to America and let me play for you!
I appreciate your time, I appreciate your support, and most of all thank you for wanting me to play for you!
~ Billy P.
